Sharing Your Survivor Story
- It's On Us
- Oct 17, 2021
- 3 min read
Welcome back to the blog!
At our last body meeting, Rachel, our Membership Director, gave a wonderful presentation on how to share your story and tips for yourself and others. This post is a recap of this presentation if you were unable to attend or if you want to read again for future use.
One of the most important things to remember in sharing your story is that YOU are in control and everything is YOUR choice. You lead the way and only share what you want.
There are five major questions involved:
Who
What
When
Where
How
Who When you are comfortable enough in sharing your experience, you choose which people to tell. However, it's important to remember that not telling someone does not mean the relationship is not solid. For example, you might feel more comfortable telling your best friend instead of your parents. You do not have to tell everyone you know if you do not wish to. It is okay to be particular. If you do not feel comfortable with someone you know and want to practice anonymously, RAINN has a 24/7 anonymous hotline available. If someone pries for information, you are allowed to say no.
What
It is okay to not want to share everything you experienced. Planning what you want to share in advance might help to keep control of the conversation. If somebody starts to pry, you are allowed to say no. Taking breaks is okay too; taking deep breaths, going to the bathroom, or revisiting the conversation at another time is okay. This is your story and you set the pace. Remember the goal of the conversation if you feel overwhelmed.
When
Trauma is not easy to handle and healing takes time. It can take months or years to feel comfortable telling somebody else. You decide when to tell someone else. Take as long as you need. Emotions will be high during the conversation and it's important to share on a day when you are more stable. There is no perfect moment and learning how to ground yourself is key to managing a conversation.
Where
When sharing your story, be mindful of the setting where you share it. Quiet and private locations might be easier since there will be less distractions. Be somewhere you feel comfortable and where you know you have the listener's attention.
How
However you decide to share your story, you choose the details. You can do it in person, over a phone call, or maybe anonymously with someone else. The best setting is one that will keep you comfortable and in control of the conversation.
There are some Do's and Don't's when sharing:
Do:
Plan what you want to say, it will help guide the conversation.
Be aware of the listener and how they are reacting and know when to pause.
Be prepared for listener questions.
Don't:
Use graphic details (right off the bat, at least), it could be triggering to someone else.
Lose sight of your boundaries.
Forget why you want to share your story.
A pneumonic, DEAR MAN, can help you:
Describe the story
Explain with details to the extent you feel comfortable with
Assert your feelings and stance
Reinforce why you're sharing
Mindfulness to keep you grounded if it becomes too much
Appear Confident by being in control of the conversation
Negotiate if the listener is asking for too much
Not everyone will react the same and there are some good and bad reactions to expect:
Good: The listener shows nonjudgemental support
Bad: The listener has doubts and/or invasive questions
It's important to remember that for both parties, emotions will be high. Hearing someone else's story is hard just like sharing your story is hard. It's okay to be emotional. Make sure you ground yourself and take breaks if needed.
When listening to someone else's story, remember:
Breaks are okay. Stories can be hard to listen to and/ or triggering and breaks can help with strong emotions.
Show your support by actively listening and emphasizing "I believe you."
You are not responsible for fixing the situation. Sometimes just being there for someone else is enough. If you feel this is too much to handle, it's okay to stop the conversation and recommend they talk to someone more professionally trained.
Sharing your story is incredibly brave and hard to do. Be intentional in the process and remember the tools to help you succeed and be comfortable. If you want to reach out to Rachel or anyone else on leadership, head to the leadership tab for contact information.
RAINN Hotline: 800-656-HOPE or head to our resources page for more.
It's On Us
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