Toxicity of Purity Culture in Our Youth
- It's On Us
- Nov 10, 2021
- 3 min read
TW: mention of rape and assault
Nearly everyone has been affected one way or another by the standard of purity for young women. Purity culture is not restricted to a certain religion or background, it can affect all. “Purity culture,” is defined by the expectation to maintain absolute sexlessness before marriage. This means one should be free of sexual thoughts, feelings and actions. The term “purity culture” is generally associated with the white, American, Evangelical Christian Purity Movement however other religions have also adopted this concept using words such as worthiness or honor culture. It is largely heteronormative and does not address queer couples. It makes assumptions about straight couples and further isolates queer relationships. Regardless of your background, sex, or gender, a fair portion of youth today are still being taught to abide by purity culture and that abstinence is the only option. The alternative to this would be to be less-worthy and impure. Unfortunately, purity culture has a strong hold on our society and therefore, has more adverse effects on young women than you may realize.
The intention behind this piece is not to be shameful of anyone who consciously chooses to wait until marriage or for a specific person. If you are not being coerced and that is what you truly want, by all means do it. You are allowed to make the decision for yourself and should have the freedom to do so. However, if you feel by society's standards that you have no choice but to “be pure” for your significant other, you may be in for more than you bargained for.
The aftermath of purity culture has created a huge double standard between men and women’s ability to engage in sexual acts. Men who have sexual relations with many women are viewed as desirable and experienced, yet a woman who has multiple partners is seen as “slutty,” or “ a whore”. Why is this? Why are women viewed in this way when men are not? Why is there a different standard between what is expected and allowed for men and for women?
The bigger question seems to be: Why does society unfairly punish women?
The idea that a woman must abstain until marriage is an ancient tradition, seeming to place more importance on a woman’s virginity than her being. While many people may find contentment in this lifelong decision to wait for the “one”, others have experienced grave trauma, shame and even physical pain as a result of the purity movement. Teaching that women are responsible for man’s urges is incredibly toxic and untrue, that it is women’s responsibility to cover up so that men are not tempted, that it is their fault if something happens to them. This creates space for sexual blame to fall onto the woman, originating victim-blaming. According to It’s On Us, victim-blaming is when the victim of a crime or any wrongful act is held entirely or partially responsible for the harm that befell them. Some examples of this would be, “Well, when someone dresses the way she does, she’s asking for it”, “They just regret having sex and are trying to cover up their bad choices by ‘crying rape’”. This does not put the rightful fault on the assaulter. This blame and victimization directly contributes to rape culture by enticing others to see women as sexual objects if dressed a certain way, therefore “allowing” someone to “cave into their impulses.”
“She’s asking for it,” is a phrase that has an incredibly harmful impact on a woman. Women who are seen as impure need “punishment,” as some may say. The Consent Workshop describes how “punishing” women for their behavior by assaulting them and saying they “deserved it,” pathed the way for a normalcy of sexual assault. Although women are able to be more vocal about their experiences without nearly as much shame as in past societies, this narrative is still used to argue against their experiences. It is incredibly toxic and wrong and creates a sense of shame unto those who have been affected by this.
Why are women deemed as “less valuable” if they participate in sexual activity? Why are men allowed to but women aren’t? This is a double standard that never seems to go away.
Nobody is responsible for the urges of another human being. Your body belongs to you. Nobody is allowed to take that away from you. What you are wearing does not define consent. Saying yes defines consent.
You are more than your virginity. You are a wonderful person who has an incredible mind. Your worth is not determined by sexually engaging with others.
For those who feel victimized by purity culture, we are so sorry. You are loved. You are heard.
If you want to reach out to anyone in It’s On Us, head over to the Leadership Team page and message one of us. We are here for you.
It’s On Us
Thank you to Allana for your help!
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