Why Do Survivors Hesitate to Speak Up?

TW: Mention of sexual assault and rape

Today, we will be covering an incredible TedTalk done by Inés Hercovich. She is a social psychologist and works with women who are survivors of sexual assault. The main thesis of her presentation is opening up the conversation as to why women do not speak up about their experiences.

Inés opens the speech about a girl who she calls “Ana” and her personal rape story. Her experience was a bit “unusual” to the public, in the sense that it was not as violent as other assaults. She spoke calmly, told him to finish quickly, and did not have any markings there after. However, Inés raises the question that Ana herself had, “Does that qualify as rape?”

Despite Ana’s encounter with this man, she still had doubts. Any logical person would wonder why she would believe it might “not count.” Inés explains how judgements and questions from others have influenced these self-destructing thoughts. “What was she wearing?” “Why did she ask for a ride home?” These questions are a form of victim-blaming that do not support the survivor or provide helpful information as to why this happened. The narrative of a rape or sexual assault needs to be shifted towards how the assaulter was wrong for what they did and not how the survivor could have prevented this from happening.

In the eyes of law enforcement, rape has to be “proved” by the survivor by any physical marks or representations of resisting the act. However, Ana walked away physically unscathed. So, was she not raped? Let’s break down what Ana actually did. She told the man she did not want to have sex. That alone should be enough for someone to disengage and walk away. However, it wasn’t. Ana also talked to the man as calmly as possible to prevent any discomfort or anger the man was feeling; she was trying to divert his feelings to protect herself from being taken advantage of.

Aside from her efforts, nothing worked. So, Ana succumbed to the assault and said, “finish quickly so I can go home,” but this does not count as consent. She “traded” the sexual act for anything worse that could happen, such as murder or a kidnapping. Inés talks about how penetration is less “painful” than kisses or sweet words to the survivor. Ana was willing to endure as little harm as possible so she could move on with her night.

Ana was one hundred percent the victim in this situation, no doubt about it. Resistance and consent do not have cookie-cutter definitions and vary by the account. So, why did she not report? Ana has felt societal judgements that have leaked into her own mind that have stopped her from believing that her story was worth telling. Victim blaming is real and provides the assaulter with an upper hand of control. The toxicity of victim blaming can be even more traumatizing than the act of assault. The blame ultimately should fall back on the assaulter for taking advantage of another person.

At the end of the day, there is not one image of a survivor or an assaulter, and every instance is different. Trying to stick each account into the same guidelines lessens the blame on the assaulter and leaves the survivor alone once again. Believing survivors is important in opening the conversation on what assault looks like and how we can support them and provide them with resources.

I hope this TedTalk opens up a conversation within yourself and how you would react to being told this story. Survivors need support and people to trust, and that starts with an open mind and non-judgemental concerns. Taking the first step in providing a safe space to survivors can bring justice to those who need it. The video is linked and we encourage you to watch the speech for an even better understanding of this topic.

If you or someone you know is a survivor of sexual assault, please visit our "Crisis Support" tab that has resources for reporting and getting the help you need. If you are a student at Clemson University, you can reach out to any of our leadership for support. RAINN has a survivor hotline, survivor stories, and extended resources to assist you in getting the help you need. Please visit https://www.rainn.org for more information.

See you guys soon!

It’s On Us